...and get connected with the on GroupMe. That way then we can all stay connected, stay up on prayer requests, as well as important information.

Amen. Thank you, Fred. Thank you.

I want to say thanks to Matt Carbo and our media team up there that we had our soundboard completely fry.

I'm not sure what happened last Monday.

And so they've been working on it all week long.

And finally, like late yesterday, we've had to reboot everything.

And so some of the levels, we're getting things.

I feel like I'm hearing myself and talking in a can, right?

It's not normal. It's not normal sound.

So just bear with us. Bear with us. We'll get things.

I just appreciate all the extra time and effort that they put in here.

We almost had to go retro today and just how about that.

But that wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? Yeah? Yeah. No.

At this time, we want to go ahead and dismiss our children.

If you guys will follow Mr. Taylor out the back door, K-5 through 5th grade.

I want to say again, we're really excited about this coming Friday is our Marriage Enrichment Night.

It's one night of encouragement.

And it's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of games.

You'll have some good conversation.

A little bit of teaching with Brandon and Jessica as well, too.

We'll have a panel up here for open discussion.

And we have a really nice catered meal as well, too.

So please, we're really hoping this will be the first of many, many events.

We just, I know it's hard to have a whole weekend thing and making time for that.

I get that.

So we're just, we're honing in on one night.

One night.

And we're really trying to encourage your marriage.

That's why I've kind of moved away.

We'll probably get back to Genesis next week.

Yay!

How about that?

Some of you thought we'd never go back to Genesis, right?

Some of you prayed we'd never go back to Genesis.

But you know what?

You know, I had someone speak to my heart today, really, and they said,

You know, Curtis, one of the things that Genesis, our teaching through Genesis has really showed us

is there's a lot of people who don't really take the time and know how to really truly study the Scriptures.

And a lot of things within the Scriptures we just glaze over.

And so doing that forces us to study in a way that we don't normally study.

And that's not always a bad thing.

Amen.

But today, we are going to end our series as the anchor of society.

And we said that the anchor of society is what?

Family.

Somebody.

We're going to go to Genesis today if you all don't pipe up.

Come on.

We said it's family.

The anchor of society is family.

Singleness.

God instituted the family to be a shining example, to be a portrait of the Gospel.

The first week, we talked about singleness.

I didn't want to leave all you singles out.

Plus, the fact of the matter is, we looked at statistics that shows that 45% of those in America,

18 years or older, are either never been married, divorced, or widowed.

That's a big, that's a big faction of our population.

So we wanted to talk about singleness.

We took from 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

And Paul talks about how singleness is a gift.

It's a gift.

Where you are right now, that season you're in, it is a gift.

Singleness is also, it's an advantage.

Because you don't have some of the responsibilities that you have once you get married.

You have all these other things that begin to pull up your time and efforts.

But it's an advantage to be single.

But also being single, you have a responsibility, it talks about as well too.

That carries on into marriage.

And that responsibility is self-control.

Self-control.

Nobody gets a pass on holiness.

Nobody gets a pass on holiness.

And if you are unable to have self-control when you're single,

guess what you normally don't take into your marriage?

That's self-control.

It shows itself in different ways.

A lack of self-control.

It may not be in a physical manner,

but that lack of self-control can show itself in a number of different ways.

Last week we talked about marriage.

And I gave you eight things that I really think that you really need to concentrate on

in order for your marriage to not just get by.

Your marriage, my marriage is not there just so that we can endure each other.

So that we can pay bills and have this, that and the other

and have someone to talk to late night

and just pretend like you're interested in this is us with your spouse.

So you have something to talk about.

And that's not what marriage is about.

It's about so much more than that.

And I gave you eight things that I believe were very key for our marriage to flourish.

But I also said that that list is not, it's not the 67th book of the Bible.

Okay. It's not an all completed list.

You can have many, many more, but I needed to wrap it up somewhere, somehow.

Now, Casey Williams said,

I got it all, I got everything down.

So if you need some extra counseling, some extra help, get to Casey.

If you know Casey, she's very sarcastic.

So there you go.

She's not saying she has it all.

But we're going to talk about the kids today.

And so we're going to deal with, I'm going to deal with the children today.

And the first part of the message, we're going to lodge it in Psalm 127.

So if you want to grab your Bibles and turn there.

But the second part, today I'm going to make an apology ahead of time.

I'm going to be a little listy.

Listy, listy is probably not a real word, is it?

But we're going to be listy.

I'm going to give you a lot of things, a lot of things.

Not everything is going to be up on the screen, but a lot of lists.

And what I'm going to talk about is, and I'm also, as I mentioned earlier,

I'm also going to talk and mention about what about those children who've walked away from the faith?

What about that?

How do we handle that?

How do we minister to that?

How do we relate to them?

And through all of this this morning, keep in mind that the goal of what God is doing through the family,

the only reason why family exists is to tell the truth about the gospel, okay?

The major reason that family exists is to steward the image of God from one generation to the next generation through the family, okay?

And so the reason why we have family is to counteract the enemy's strategy to conquer and divide.

So our families are to tell the truth about the gospel, to pass on that image from one generation to the next.

And if we don't keep that in mind, then we get mired in the transaction.

And the secondary becomes the primary.

And, you know, you can give your kids all the world's greatest experiences in the world.

You can give your kids all the, you can give them a great education.

You can buy them cars.

You can buy them all this stuff, okay?

But the question is, for what?

Why, you know?

You know, they're smart.

Wow, they're insightful.

Oh, well, at least they ain't in jail, you know?

Well, you know, but, you know, we say that, you know, almost a joking manner sometimes.

But, you know, but where is it going?

Where are we going with this?

And so I want to make some observations in Psalm 127 this morning.

And then we'll get into a little bit of a list and some application as well, too.

Beginning in verse 1.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go lay to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord.

The fruit of the womb, a reward, like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Okay.

And let me just say, first of all, that this psalm unfolds itself into two parts.

And I really believe what he's talking about here is the atmosphere at home for effective child rearing.

And the first part, he alludes to our comfort and our security.

We'll get to that.

And the second part is our hearts and our attitudes about our children.

Okay.

But the first part, he says, our comfort and our security is what he's dealing with.

You know, we've all seen the recent things on the news where you have these very wealthy people, this whole college scandal thing that has blown up.

Okay.

We don't need to go into all that and mention all this.

And what these folks did was flat out wrong.

Okay.

In this college scandal thing.

But it came partly from a good place.

Okay.

Now, what I mean by that is they wanted to help their kids get a leg up.

Okay.

They wanted them to have an opportunity to get ahead.

The only problem is they did it the wrong way.

All right.

And they had resources and they orchestrated things and they lied.

And they got in cahoots with this dude where scores were changed and things were fixed and all this kind of stuff to get them into a college.

All right.

But part of that we understand because we love our kids.

Right.

We love our kids and we want them to do well.

We want them to get an opportunity.

But it's the wrong way.

Okay.

It was the wrong way of doing that.

Again, our role as parents is to shape the next.

The environment and the atmosphere at home definitely charts that course. It definitely charts that course. And here's the here's the scary thing, though. We either spend the rest of our lives building on how we were raised or running from how we were raised or running from how we were raised.

You know, you ever think about that? We spend there. We spend so much time building on how we were raised or running from how we were raised. It's a tragedy, but it's true. But in Psalm 127, it says, let's go back to the beginning. Okay, what is our comfort and what is our security? You know, and if I take my eyes off the Lord, there were points and times in my ministry where because of where we were in ministry and because of some things and sacrifices we have to make,

I was away from home. I was away from home a lot. There were some seasons where I was gone from home a lot and I was petrified because I was afraid that Caitlin would grow up to be bitter because I wasn't there.

And there were many times when I was off by myself at two o'clock in the morning. I don't mind telling you I would wake up and I would be weeping because I knew the horror stories of my colleagues within the ministries and the stories of their children who ended up hating God and hating ministry because of because of sacrifices that were made for the family.

And so and I remember crying out to the Lord. Lord, please don't let Caitlin grow up to be bitter and don't let her reject her faith.

And then I remember that it dawned on me that if I was doing what God called me to do and I was doing it in a wise and a sensible way, God was going to take care of my family.

He was going to take care of it. And that's what this text tells us. Here's here's the comfort and the security that we have.

God himself takes care of your family. And you have to understand, according to verse one, it is vain to attempt to do anything without the Lord.

It's vanity to attempt to do anything without the Lord. You cannot parent without God. I cannot parent without God.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are parents that are out there that are really good people and they have some great values and attention and they give attention.

They're kids and they're nonbelievers. OK, and they have some good examples. They may even be moral. OK, but in a real sense, if our goal is to so that our children will be more like the Savior in order to do that, you need the Lord.

You need the Lord to parent your children. You can't do it apart from the Lord. Look at verse one.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.

So unless the Lord comes into your into our families and into our homes, raising these kids is not is it's just not going to work.

OK, and it's it's vain to be anxious over over food and working long hours if if God is not our provider.

It's all in vain. And parents, the greatest gift that you can give your children is to let them see you depending upon God to deal with their issues.

Let them see you depending on God to deal with their their issues.

That's the greatest gift to create an environment in your home where they see you depending upon the Lord to deal with their issues.

OK, it takes profound humility to to depend upon God and to be an effective parent.

We can't do it in and of ourselves. We just can't. You know, I'm as sinful as my children.

You're a sinful. I'm as selfish as my children. You're as selfish as your children.

So what it takes is dependence upon God. And if this house is going to be built, you're going to embrace these values.

God has to do it himself. OK, and.

Anything done independently of God is futile. And in here, there's there's three applications.

First is the first application is give your children to the Lord.

Give your children to the Lord. Your children need to know that there is one true God and you're not him.

You're not him. OK, you you you gave your child to the Lord when you found that they were conceived.

You gave your child to the Lord when they first came out and you held that little bundle of joy.

OK, in your hands. You have to continue putting your children in the hands of God because we have this tendency to want to take them out of the hands of God.

You have to continue to put them in the hands of God.

Number one. Second thing, the implication.

What are you doing?

And then at last thing, Sandy can völlig up against him.

Thank you.

Trust me to do it? Okay? Trust me with your child. And the other implication, and it kind of goes without saying, is that, listen, God wants to build your family. God wants to build your family. You need to believe that. And so, the pressure for doing it is not so much on you, it's on him to build your family. Now, don't get me wrong. We have a responsibility and we have to be faithful. We have to be obedient. And I understand in this, it's not passive, but really, it's on us.

It's on the Lord. If we're trusting in the Lord, it's on the Lord. So, you give your children to the Lord. You trust your children to the Lord. And you stand back and you believe that God wants to work. He wants to work. The second part of this psalm in verses 3 through 5, he speaks of our hearts and he speaks of our attitudes here. And there are three statements that Solomon makes here. Solomon has written this psalm. But three statements he makes.

And the first one is that children are a gift and stewardship. They're a gift and stewardship. Verse 3 says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward.

Children are a blessing from God and they never should be viewed as a burden.

Never should be viewed as a burden. And I hate to say this, but too often, there are a lot of selfish parents out there that treat their children as if their children are getting in the way of the life that they think that they need and deserve.

Shame on us. Shame on us. Shame on us. No, we don't worship our kids. That's not what I'm saying.

You know, we don't. However, our children are a blessing from God. They didn't ask to be born, did they?

They didn't ask. OK, it is a it is a blessing and it is a privilege to care for them.

It's a joy for me to work hard to put food on the table.

It is a joy for me to work hard to be able to put a roof over my child's head.

It really is. It is a joy to give them an education.

It is an it is a joy to pour into their lives.

And and every day of their lives, every day of our children's lives, they ought to know they are not a burden to you.

You should go over and above till they know they are not a burden.

Also, children are an extension of our mission.

They're an extension of our mission. Look at verse four.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.

Now. I'm not trying to be funny here.

I mean this when I say, but you have to remember as parents, again,

like arrows in the hand of a warrior, our children are the children of one's youth.

As parents, you have to remember you're launching arrows, not boomerangs.

OK, you are launching arrows.

You know, I'm serious about this.

You know, basically your number one goal when you're raising children is that they will grow up to walk

and to know the Lord and then walk out your door.

That's your goal.

That's your goal.

Walk in the ways of the Lord and walk out that door.

Amen.

Amen.

OK, you don't raise them to be hyper dependent upon you.

You raise them to launch them.

OK, you launch them.

OK, that's the imagery.

But children are an extension of our ministry.

And what is our what is our ministry to affect the next generation,

to affect the next generation, children are a weapon in our hands to send to the future,

to continue the fight of the battle for righteousness and the kingdom of God.

That's what that's what we do.

That's why we spend so much time pouring into them.

It's not just that we want the we want them to do us proud or anything like that

and have a relatively good life and be make moral choices and good choices.

That's not good enough.

That's if that's all we're leading them for.

That's not good enough.

I find too many Christian parents settling to raise their children to be nice, decent kids.

OK, decent is not the vision.

Decent is not the vision for your child.

Nice is not the vision for your child.

My child educated.

I think he's just...

He needed his...

Have that beautiful bundle of joy. That's your responsibility as a parent to your children. And you're launching them to a time that you cannot see. And so there are extensions of your mission. Which means, parents, please hear me this morning on this. You have... That means if they're an extension of your mission, guess what that means? You have to live on mission. You have got to live on mission.

The power of your parenting comes through the eloquence of your modeling. The power of your parenting comes through the eloquence of your modeling. If you're not centered on the cause of Christ, you're not centered on the transformation of lives, and you're worshiping the idols of materialism and all this other junk, then you're sending a little bit of a conflicted, bifurcated message to your child. They need to see you.

They need the sense... They need to feel and sense that they... What you are centered on. Centered on Christ.

It is so important. It is so important to model this for our children.

Our children. Our children need to see us going through these things.

To see us depend... Don't you think your children learn from watching you depend upon the Lord?

When you invite them into that?

In a small... A small little area here.

A small little area.

Our elder leadership.

Tom Riccio's children get to watch him struggle and wrestle with battling cancer for the rest of his life.

Unless God does a miracle, he will wrestle with cancer.

He's already had a kidney removed.

He continues to have to go down with blood work, this, that, and the other.

Has anything grown?

His children get to watch him struggle.

His children, Judy's children, get to watch her struggle as she ministers to those downtown who struggle with addiction and prostitution.

Children get to watch.

Bobby Henderson's children.

Five young black boys get to watch him live it out on mission, on mission, to be able to come home and say,

Today, when I was at work, the authorities came in unannounced, and they thought I was someone else,

and they pulled a gun on me and told me to get on the ground, that I was under arrest.

It was a case of mistaken identity.

They get to watch their daddy live that out.

How do you handle that, dad?

I've heard you preach it, but how do you handle it now?

That grows a family.

That grows a man of God.

David Drury's family gets to watch him right now as he watches his dad wilt away to nothing.

Physically, mentally, nothing.

Six foot ten mountain of a man is absolutely nothing.

And they just have to keep him sedated and say, this is all we can do.

But his children get to watch him choose joy and choose the Lord in the midst of that.

Foster Lindbergh.

His children get to watch as he has lost his mother and his father in a short period of time.

Having to be a distance away, being so hurt by that.

But yet, having to get up there and do what's right for his family.

And showing his children how to be strong in the midst of great loss.

This is real life stuff.

What you model to your children matters.

If all we do is talk about the gospel, talk about Bible stuff, and we don't show our kids how to live it out.

Guess all?

We're just Pharisees.

We are just Pharisees.

Third, probably what I'm going to say is probably not PC, but who cares.

Verse 5.

Verse 5 says,

Blessed is the man who fills his soul with his heart.

Because what he's saying here is that children should be, you know, a source of joy and affirmation, okay? So, what are we talking about here? Why did he use the expression in the gate, okay? And if you do any research, you understand that, you know, you come to the conclusion that the gates, among other things, were where all the civil cases were discussed and the civil cases were decided, and the elders sat at the gates, okay?

And notice this picture. He's saying that his children, okay? His children, to his children, help me not be put to shame when he speaks, help him not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate.

And what he's saying is that our children should be an argument for our character and for our integrity.

Our children should be an argument for what we believe. And I know this is not normally what we get.

You know, we need to be our own person and don't burden our children with this sense of responsibility.

But the Bible teaches us that there is a sense in which you need to raise your child to honor you.

Raise your child to honor you and honor what you believe and embrace your spiritual values.

Now, they have to accept that on their own, but to embrace your spiritual values.

And this is the implication here.

And this, you know, this kid is saying, you know, I don't want to embarrass my mom or dad.

And that's a good thing.

That's a good thing.

And I'm not talking about legalism here, okay?

But you have this healthy thing that you have to, you have to have that degree of love and affection and accountability for your choices,

realizing that people believe in you.

And this is where, this is what you were taught, you know?

Growing up, my dad was in the Air Force.

And growing up, on the air base, you didn't do anything.

I wasn't afraid of the military police.

I was afraid of my dad.

You know, I didn't want to do anything that would dishonor his reputation, okay?

Because he was a stickler, man.

He was a stickler.

You don't do anything to damage that.

And I remember when I was 12 years old, I was 12 years old, and I took something from my dad's dresser that I shouldn't have taken.

And my dad gave me the opportunity to come clean, but I was too cool for that.

I was too slow.

I didn't come clean.

And my dad confronted me, and my dad was not a crier, but he was so mad at me, but he had a tear in his eye.

And he said to me, son, all you had to do was ask me.

And I'm telling you, from that moment on, I didn't put my hands on anything that didn't belong to me.

I mean, that was a life lesson for me.

Parents, it's a good thing.

It's a good thing.

I know the culture says don't guilt them, and I'm not trying to guilt them, but there is responsibility for your choices.

Responsibility for it.

And you need to raise your children to understand you don't make your decisions in isolation.

They affect, they affect, they have far-reaching ramifications.

You represent, Caitlin, you represent my integrity.

I know you're married and off of God, but you still represent my integrity.

You represent my character.

You represent what I believe.

That's a good thing.

I know it's counterintuitive because everyone says, no, you're your own person.

No, no.

Honor.

Honor.

Honor is a biblical thing.

Honor is a...

And it's okay to say to them, you are connected.

You're connected.

And, you know, people ought to say, you know, that's Curtis and Jill's child.

I can tell, by the way, that doesn't surprise me that she acts that way.

I'm going to say she's perfect, but it doesn't surprise me.

That's the biblical foundation.

Okay.

So now I'm going to get listy with you.

So how do we make all this happen?

How do we bring this to...

How do we make all this...

How do we create these environments in our homes?

Number one is you've got to connect with your child's heart.

And what I mean by that is there should never be a day in your child's life that they don't know that they are profoundly loved by you.

A day should not go by.

They don't have to perform for that love.

They don't have to earn that love.

into them. We pour the Word of God into them. And I think that there needs to be regular times where they read the Scriptures. It's part of our household. It's just what we do. Okay? And where you're reading the Word and you're teaching it, but you're also living it. Okay? You're living it out. And so, I would say, make it the normative. Make it the normative. I can't tell you how. If you ever invite us over to dinner at your house, I'm just telling you it's okay. But I always find it funny.

There have been times over the years, we've been invited over to people's house. We sit down to eat dinner with them. And then the dad goes, well, let's pray for the food. And the kid goes, what? We never pray for the food. But you're doing it because I'm there. Yeah, right? I'm just like, I just try not to look. I'm like, okay. It's okay. But whatever, make it the normative. Just let it be normative. That's part of who we are, what we do. You know?

Caroline sings the grace, you know, when people come over now. She gets all, most of the words wrong. She pronounces it. I don't care. She's learning. She's learning. I get here, we get here early in the morning and I wait to pray. The last thing I pray over is the chairs in here every Sunday. And I let Caroline come with me now. She's doing it. Some Sundays she touches every chair just like I do. She follows me. Other Sundays she walks on the chair. I don't care. I'm teaching her. This is normal.

This is what we do. But I talked to her about what we're doing. We're praying. We're praying. She's like, sure, Daddy, where are the crayons? You know, that's okay. That's okay.

And so, when you do that, they'll know the Bible. The Bible will become just more than just a point of reference. It'll be the context in which they make decisions in their lives.

This is important. And so, they'll understand this is the context of our house. They'll see how things fit together. And if you've connected with your heart, with their hearts, then the truth of God's word doesn't come across as disingenuous to them.

Because you're not just trying to beat them down with God. No. I love you. I love you. This is truth that I'm giving you.

So, getting in the scriptures becomes an act of love. Also, create an environment of grace in your household.

My goodness. As parents, resist the temptation of ever modeling for your kids that you have arrived at perfection.

That you've got it down. You know, relate to them in the way that God relates to you.

You know, there are consequences. And God gives consequences. Correct?

But God doesn't reject us. He doesn't reject us. God gives us mercy.

Grace is not permission. Okay? But relate to them out of grace.

Also, make the culture of the home more compelling than the pull of the world.

Alright? You know, raise your kids. Be a fun environment.

I love that. I love that commercial. I don't even know what it's for. Maybe some bang.

You ever had those commercials that they strike you as funny or good?

What's the product? I don't know.

But it's that guy. He's out there mowing the lawn. It's like a million degrees.

And his daughter comes out and asks him,

Can you take me over to Sarah's house? You know, to play at the pool.

And he has this vision. He goes and he gets a loan.

I'm not telling you to go borrow money.

But anyways, he gets another loan out.

And he puts a pool in his own backyard.

So now all the kids come over there.

They're playing at his house.

Why not be the house that all the kids want to come to?

When I was growing up, people didn't want to come to my house.

Your parents are so mean.

Sorry, mom, dad, you're watching. I'm sorry.

You knew that anyway.

Yeah.

Major on the environment of your household.

Okay?

They ought to feel encouragement in their home.

Build them up at home.

That should be a safe place for them to fall.

Raise them up.

Okay?

And it creates that strong environment to where it's more compelling than what's outside the world.

And I'm not going to go down this path, this whole social media stuff, you know.

But that stuff needs to be limited with our kids.

I'm telling you right now.

Our children have too much access to their minds and their hearts too soon.

And they have this exposure.

And they feel like these days exposure is experience.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

It's not that they're going to go down this path.

Which leads us to this one. Set boundaries and enforce them. Set some boundaries. You know, I know I said connect with the kid's heart and all that, but you will never be an effective parent if you're afraid of yourself. I want them. You're not their friend. You're not their best friend. You're their parent. God didn't call you to be their BFF. Yes. Yes, you are to love them. All that all that good stuff. But if you're going to be you don't be afraid of do the right

thing by them. You have to set boundaries and enforce them. Home is where people learn the basic lessons of life and and and and nobody does exactly what they and they need to learn that you can't just do in everything you want to do and get away with it.

You know, and obviously we only have six six silver bullets and there's 24 targets so we can't shoot at everything. Okay, I get it. So you got it. You got to narrow some things narrow some things down.

Okay, but some of you have too many rules, too, and you have too many rules in your house. Guess what you're going to do? You're going to break the spirit of your child.

But have some basic rules, some well thought out rules that you can agree upon. And when those boundaries are crossed, and I'm not trying to be funny here, but when those boundaries are crossed, give them the wonderful gift of consequences.

And parents, you can tell them, Pastor Curtis said, I need to do this for you. Okay, if that helps you out any. All right, listen. Next, clarify the expectations.

Clarify the expectations. You know, how you expect them to behave. You know, what do you expect them to do?

How do you expect them to use and steward the talents, gifts and graces, God and abilities God's given them?

You know, know your child. Know your child and be able to sit down with them and say, no, sir. No, sir. No, sir. Listen to me. You're an A, B student.

If I thought D was the best you could do, we'd be all right with that. But I know you. This is not acceptable. That's not your best. That's not your best.

Lay those expectations out and stay on track. Why? Because I love you. There's a plan for your life. I need to help you get there. I need to help you stay on track.

Clarify those expectations. Next, expose them to ministry as soon as possible. That's what I'm doing with Caroline.

This is part of ministry. Prayer is a ministry. Expose them to ministry as soon as possible to have those opportunities to see transformation.

Let them see you sharing the gospel with your neighbors. Let's go talk to so and so about Jesus. Okay. Take a kid with you. That's the best way to get in the door.

Hey, when we get there, you ask Mrs. Moon about Jesus. Put it on him. Oh, can you believe she? Let me tell you something.

What an open door. What an open door. Okay. And so they in doing this with this missional heart set, they learn earlier that the world is not about you.

It's not about you. Also, I kind of already stepped into this, but be what you want them to be.

Model it. Model it. You know, and mom and dad, some of you need to get your act together.

Some of you need to put the pedal to the metal a little bit. Some of you need to stop just mailing in some of this sin stuff you continue to ignore in your life.

And with your attitudes and your poor modeling in your marriage and you expect them to have a great impact.

It has a negative impact on your children.

It has a negative impact on your children.

There are times right now, my three-year-old, Jill and I will get into a heated discussion.

And Jill and Caroline will say, Daddy, Daddy, stop it.

I might even be right.

But she doesn't like when we raise our voice to it.

Daddy, stop it.

It's always Daddy, though.

It doesn't matter.

I can't figure that out.

I think mommy's having some different prayer time with her.

The Spirit has convicted you, honey.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm just, no, I'm kidding.

But you know what?

They need to see our growth in the Lord.

They need to see our development.

They don't need to see perfection.

They need to see us develop in the Lord.

They need to see authenticity, okay?

See us working stuff out.

They need to see us overcoming.

That's possible.

what we want them to become. Whether or not they're doing it immediately or not, it doesn't matter. Continue to be what you want them to be. Next, point them to healthy relationships. You know? Get other people involved in their lives as soon as possible. People that you can trust to help disciple them and sow into their lives. You know, that's one of the things Bobby has a long history of he's really invested in a lot of young people's lives and he's still involved in their lives to this day, many of them. He's a

I think they're like godfather to 85 kids now or something like that. But there's an investment that's been made, okay? But don't be so insecure thinking you have to be the only one that can ever speak truth into your child's life. There might be someone that can help you with that. Now you have to do the homework on this person to know whether or not you can trust them with your child or not. That's a whole other thing. But put them in healthy relationships. And the last one here is a negative thing. Then I've got a whole other list for you. It's a short one though, I promise.

And that's this, you know, protect your children from toxic Christians. Okay? Because they're in every church. They're in every church. They're control freaks. They're manipulative. They have issues that have not been resolved. They steer your kids away from toxic people, okay? Not everybody who says they are followers of Jesus look at this book the same way we look at this book. Not everybody does.

So you have to be discerning. So, which leads me to the last question. What if your kids have wandered from the faith? And maybe you have children right now that haven't, but maybe you might find yourself there.

First off, let me just say this. I know I've said all this other stuff, but I think this is something that you or I could never say.

You can never say that you, that you can guarantee your children will walk with God.

It's not in the Bible.

That's not in the Bible.

And the fact, this is astonishing, you know, that Adam and Eve had daily communion with the God of the universe in the garden and still made bad choices.

Still disobeyed.

I mean, it's mind-boggling to me.

So, you have to, you know, you can raise your children in the greatest environment in the world.

You can be honest.

You can be committed to the Lord Jesus.

You can model all these things and all this stuff.

But the old saying goes, God doesn't have any grandchildren, okay?

God ain't got no grandchildren, okay?

Everybody has to make decisions for themselves.

And sometimes they don't make the right choices.

Or to be fair about it, maybe you've made some mistakes as a parent.

And, I mean, I don't know any parents who haven't made mistakes.

So, what do you do when your child hurts your heart?

What do you do when they're making willful decisions that you know, man, it's just not going to end well if you continue down this road, okay?

The first thing you do is you never stop praying for them.

Never.

Prayer is powerful.

Never stop praying for them.

Second, you lean on your faith and your trust in God's timing.

God's timing.

You can't decide for them, okay?

You can't make them followers.

And as long as they have breath and as long as they have life, there is still a chance.

There is still a chance.

And sometimes there are just some things that God has to do and He's not telling us.

In order to flush out whatever might be in their minds or might be in their hearts.

Third thing we have to do is, by all means, we model Jesus' unconditional love.

We continue to model that.

That's not to say that you endorse their sinful behavior.

You can disagree with your child's behavior and yet still love them powerfully.

You can still disagree with their behavior and still yet love them powerfully, okay?

They are not mutually exclusive.

They ought to know that whenever they come in contact with you, they are coming in contact with unconditional love.

Unconditional love.

Absolutely.

They may not come in contact with agreement, but that's okay.

That's okay.

Number four, always keep the lines of communication open to the best of your ability.

Keep the lines of communication.

You know, I would dare say the greatest temptation as parents, and I've been guilty of this before.

You know, they know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. And you need to keep the lines of communication open. So communicate on the things that you can agree on. Communicate around other things, okay? Let them know that you are always there for them. And you can do that without running after them, okay? I mean, the father of the prodigal son didn't run after him, did he?

He waited with unconditional love. And trusted in the Lord. Trusted that one day the son would come back. That the son would come back. But he was always there. Next, always allow them to go through the process of owning their faith. Allow them to go through that process of owning their faith. Part of that process, guys, it might be painful. I get that. Part of God's design might be for them to drink that dirty, filthy water of consequences.

Some of it might be. Some of it might be where they are, where they got to regurgitate their own rebellion. But don't get between them and God. Don't get, you know, stand back and let God complete the process in their lives. Don't prematurely rescue them. Let them go. Let them go through that process of owning their own faith.

And that almost always leads to brokenness. It really does. And it means also that they finally cannot use you as an excuse for not believing either. You with me on that? They have to own it. They got to own it. Also, share your struggles with them when it's appropriate.

You know, this is huge. You know, what you're trying to do here is let them know it's okay to have doubts and fears and struggles. Let them know God can handle that. Let them know that's not too big for God.

Daddy understands that. I've been there. I get that. That's part of it. That's a really good thing. You know, let them know that. Again, not preaching at them, but I know what it feels like. That kind of thing.

And letting them know, I know what it feels like to feel like God's abandoned you. I know that feeling. But God is with you in this struggle, son, daughter. He is with you in this struggle.

And I would also underscore, don't give up. Don't give up on your child. Don't force him, but don't give up. And also, don't be so hard on yourself. Listen, you know, who your child, I know I said earlier that reflects your character.

You know, that's a part of it. It can be a reflection. But who your kid turns out to be is not a reflection of your own identity. Okay? It's not. And we need to stop being ashamed of that.

Some of us have prodigals that we don't want to talk about anymore. You know, there's some of you here on Wednesday nights that have prodigals that you talk about.

It's refreshing to hear that. It's refreshing to hear the struggle that you're going through with some of your children.

And so, you know, we hear the stories and we think, you know, this kid's doing this and this kid's doing that.

Wow, their kids walk on water. No, not really. Not really. If you really get down to the nuts and bolts, there ain't no kid in here walking on water.

Okay? None of us. Okay? And to not be able to share in that and to be open about that, it's really, that's pride. That's pride.

And so, yeah, you remember holding them as babies. You remember praying for them. You remember those times. Are you disappointed? Yes. Are you hurt? Yes.

All of us know the feeling when our child makes decisions that makes our heart break. So, yes, weep for them. Weep for that.

It's painful, but at the same time, it doesn't define who I am. Some of us have gotten so downtrodden by that.

I've seen that in so many people's lives. You know, if that was the case...

Peace.

And so you need to keep that level of accountability and responsibility on their shoulders. Also, accept that today's reality may not be tomorrow's reality. It may not, you know, life is a moving picture. It's not a snapshot. It's not a snapshot. People change. Your child can change. So don't give up hope. Hang in there. Keep trusting in God.

Also, this leads to stand strong and choose joy. Stand strong and choose joy. I think one of the greatest testimonies to a prodigal child is that they see that the choices and the decisions that they made did not affect the vibrancy of your walk with God. As hurtful as these things are, it didn't change in my trust in the Lord. It didn't change my walk with the Lord.

I don't mean you show them up in any way. But they need to understand your heart is for the Lord. And your heart for the Lord is unaffected by the circumstances of life. And that you are going to love Him no matter what. You're going to love Him no matter what. You're going to serve Him. You're going to have joy no matter what. And finally, I would just encourage you to pray that your life would speak in powerful ways when your words cannot.

That your life would speak in powerful ways when your words cannot. In fact, if you have a prodigal, I think less is more. Less is more. Okay? Less speaking. Less talking. More modeling. More transformation.

More transformation. God wants to raise up mighty men and women of God from our households. And let me just say this as a side note. Because I know we have...

How many of you in here are grandparents and you have a relationship with your...

You have a relationship with your grandchildren of some kind. Come on. Put your hands up.

You have a tremendous, tremendous window of opportunity.

You have a tremendous...

One of the things I see, and I remember as a young boy,

kids tend to listen to their grandparents more than they do their own parents.

They really did. I thought my grandparents, they knew everything about everything.

And they would even say some derogatory things about my mom and dad.

And I was like, yeah, I like them.

Because I'm mad at them right now. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, your mom, she can't help it. She just always...

I know, right?

Grandparents, you have a great window into that child's life.

Why not sow seeds of righteousness?

Why not sow seeds of encouragement and joy?

Grandpa, why does it take you five minutes to get off the floor after playing with me?

Well, my body just aches and hurts. It just ain't the same anymore.

But I'm praising Jesus.

What do you mean by that? Let me tell you, son.

What a window of opportunity.

Why did Grandma go to bed so early?

Well, she's not really feeling so well right now.

Her stomach's been bothering her a lot.

She's been having some problems.

Oh, she can't come out and play with us?

No, but I tell you what we can do is we can pray for Grandma right now.

Does that help?

Oh, son, let me tell you.

We get so busy with life, we miss these opportunities to sow into kids' lives.

That's why I love our church's heart for the whole foster system here.

In a few weeks, you're going to see a video.

Some of you may remember Mallory Short.

Mallory was with Doors Ministry in Uganda.

We've supported them for a long time.

Mallory has adopted, it was years and years, she adopted Hassan finally.

Hassan is 13 now?

13.

He's a man.

I saw him on the video this morning.

He's a man.

But Mallory, she got married and she and her husband live now in New Zealand.

They want to, they didn't want to.

God has put it thunderously on their heart.

They are supposed to adopt a sibling group.

A sibling group that has no home and people have told them for years,

no one loves you.

No one loves you.

No one loves you.

No one loves you.

No one loves you.

No one loves you.

No one loves you.

Thank you.

They love this church. They love how this church has supported them. They understand the heart of this church to reach out to children in this community and beyond. But they're coming here to specifically adopt, to take a sibling group off the wall back there. And they say, we'll go. We need some jobs and visas and her video. I'm not going to say a whole lot about it, but she just has some things to say that are just, it's heart-wrenching.

You and I have been given a window. Not everyone's called to be a foster parent. I get that. I get that. But do you have a sphere of influence where you can influence some kids? Absolutely. You got a sphere of influence where you can influence some kids? Absolutely. I know you got a sphere. I know you got a big old sphere.

Kids are not a burden. Kids are not an inconvenience. Amen. Amen, Bridger. He said, preach it in baby language. I speak baby language. They're never an inconvenience.

Man, what time is it? We've gone way too long, haven't we? No, we're good. We've got another half hour. Just kidding.

God continues to refine me. You know, Jill makes fun of me, just playful fun of me. But I'm in the back with Caroline.

Caroline, you know, I've always wanted to have a boy where we can spit and go in the woods, you know what I'm saying?

And just that kind of thing. Come on, man. I got girls. And my dog's a girl, man. I swim in the estrogen ocean.

Yes! Somebody living with me. Yeah. But you know, here's the thing.

I know almost all the words to let it go. Frozen, okay?

Caroline has the Elsa dress. And you have to do it right. If you don't do it right, we have to start it all over.

And she can freeze you at any moment. So you have to be ready for that, too.

But here's what you do.

You turn your man card in, okay? Number one.

Turn your pride card in.

And you get the pink blanket because you're an innovator.

You're an innovator.

And you're going with the program. You put the pink blanket on, on you.

And that's perfect. Now you're Anna.

And with Anna, she can twirl.

And the blanket flows.

And guess what else flows?

Your daughter's heart gets so big.

You're the best, Daddy.

No, really, I'm sinful and selfish.

But you, you make my world so complete.

I can't help but to love you powerfully.

And yes, you throw tantrums that make me want to take you out.

Truth!

Come on.

Don't sit there and say,

No, no, no, you've been there.

But if we don't love them through that,

And we don't pray them through that,

And if we don't have that environment of grace through that,

Have expectations.

Hand them the beautiful gift of consequences.

To your room you go.

But those boundaries show them that we love them greatly.

God set up boundaries for us, didn't He?

Here's the boundaries.

Here it is.

Why did I do that?

I just love you so stinking much.

So let's pray for our children.

Let's pray for our children here in this fellowship.

Because here's the deal.

I see too many, too many of our young people,

Too many of our young people leave the church,

And they end up deep-sixing their faith when they go off to college.

Why is that?

Why is that?

Well, I think there's a multitude of reasons.

What are you doing?

Thank you.

that sit in here every week. We can affect their lives. It's a great ministry. It's a great responsibility. Won't you join me in taking it? Amen? Amen. I know today was a little bit listy. And I gave you lots of stuff. And most of the stuff, come on up worship team. Most of the stuff that I gave you is things that I have learned as I have made massive mistakes.

I don't always get it right. But you know what? Here's one of the things I learned at an early age. And it's true. We take along some of those attributes that we learn from our household that we grew up in. And we carry them into our household sometimes more than we really realize at times.

And, but God has a way of bringing things, bringing things under control. And he has a way of sanctifying us as well too. Because I remember early, early, early on in our marriage, I remember Caitlin had, she had broken the rules one too many times for me.

And I was, and I was, I was completely in the right to, to reprimand. I was completely in the right to, to give her the beautiful, wonderful gift of consequences.

But instead of dealing with her with a velvet hammer, I had one made of stone. Because I'd had it up to here. Anybody ever been there? Yeah.

And so after I, after I, after I dealt with Caitlin, my wife, Bobby always talks about how his wife, the Holy Spirit uses his wife to throttle him back a lot of times in life.

I think men, most of us are, the Lord uses our wives to be a Holy Spirit for us on a lot of occasions and we need to listen to a little bit more.

But my beautiful wife came to me and she held me by the hand, but with tears in her eyes, she said, she was smart. It's positive, positive, negative, positive, right? That's how you do it, right?

So someone will listen to you, right?

Sweetheart, you are a wonderful father. You are a tremendous dad and you are a loving dad. And Caitlin loves you like nobody's business.

But I cannot allow you to crush her spirit.

There's a difference. There's a difference between keeping our children in the lane that they need to be and breaking their spirit.

Now all of a sudden we're not allowing them to be all that God has created them to do.

We're not allowing them to own their own faith, to learn from their own struggles.

I would rather my child learn her struggles under the umbrella of her household so she can get the band-aids on her knees by her mom and dad before she gets out to the world.

Let them fall a little bit sometimes.

Be there to pick them up and help them.

Let them make those mistakes. Don't rescue them from every little thing.

Let them learn from those things so that you can instill those values in them so they know how much you love them.

But be with them and affirm them that God has not left you or forsaken you.

Don't crush their spirits.

Amen?

Amen.

Will you say a prayer for our children today?

And as you guys lead us out with a song of celebration today, because we have much to celebrate.